Gut Busting Fat Insults

At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn't hit me in the face.

Hey, you have somthing on your chin... no, the 3rd one down

You're the reason they invented double doors!

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit

You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You were dragged through dumbass forest.

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ''taxi''.

There are more calories in your stomach than in the local supermarket!

Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!

You're so fat, you could sell shade.

You look like a before picture.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

Just wait till you can't fit your hand in the Pringles tubes, then where will you get your daily nutrition from?

You must be on the seafood diet. When you see food, you eat it!

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head

You have enough fat to make another human.

You're so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall!

You're so fat, you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad.

You're so fat, your double chin has a double chin.

You're so fat, when you take a shower your feet don't get wet!

You're so fat, you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up.

You're a light eater alright. As soon as it gets light, you starts eating.

I'm not saying you're fat, but it looks like you were poured into your clothes and someone forgot to say "when"

You're so fat, if you got your shoes shined, you'd have to take their word for it!

People like you are the reason I work out.

You're so fat, you sweat gravy.

You're so fat your shadow casts a shadow.

Get off your high horse! You're too fat and the horse is in pain.

Your stomach is so big, it has its own gravitational pull, and I think I just felt the tide come in

Your midsection is larger than my entire body.

I've seen less fat on a stuffed sausage.

When you sit, people think the chair is just a suggestion.

You're so fat, you have to buy two seats at the movies and you're still uncomfortable.

You look like you're smuggling a small family under your shirt.

If you were any fatter, you'd be a new element on the periodic table.

I bet you can't fit through a standard doorway without needing the Jaws of Life.

You don't need a belt; you need a garrison to hold up your pants.

Your legs are like two small pillars holding up a large building.

Do you have to superglue your pants to keep them from falling down?

I'm not a meteorologist, but I can forecast that your thighs will be bringing the thunder and your stomach will be bringing the lightning

You must be a baker, because you're always loafing around and you're so bloated

You're not fat, you're just allergic to mirrors, because every time you see one, it breaks

If I wanted to see the sun set over a larger body of mass, I'd go to the moon and watch it set over your ego

When you walk down the street, people don't yell 'nice shirt', they yell 'nice tent'

You're not obese, you're just on the 'see food' diet: you see food and you eat it

You're so fat, the last time you saw your feet, the Clintons were still in the White House

If you weighed what you thought you did, you'd be invisible.

You're so fat, you've started your own gravitational pull.

I'm not saying you're fat, but I've seen smaller manatees.

Your stomach is so big, it has its own ecosystem.

I've seen less fat on a well-marbled steak.

You must be a time traveler from the land of 'before diets'.

If you got lost in the wilderness, you'd have enough fat to survive for years.

You're not fat, you're just carrying your stomach with you for safety.

I'm starting to think your extra weight is from all the crap people give you.

Do you have to special order clothes, or do you just buy a tent?

Your fat could be used to power a small town.

I heard when you go to all-you-can-eat buffets, they make everyone else leave.

I'm not saying you're slow, but I've seen slugs pass you on the treadmill.

Do you have to grease yourself to get through doors?

You're so fat your belly button has an echo echo echo...

Every time someone calls you fat I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.

You know you're fat when no one has mentioned you're also ginger.

You're so fat, when you jump in the air, you get stuck!