You're as useful as...

You're as useless as a knitted condom.

You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

You're as useless as a Red Lights in Grand Theft Auto

You're as useless as a glass hammer.

You're as useless as ejection seats on a helicopter.

You're as useless as the G in Lasagna.

You're as useless as a wooden frying-pan.

You're as useless as Anne Frank's drum kit.

You're as useless as a concrete parachute.

You're as useless as the 'ay' in 'okay'

You're as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.

You're as useless as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

You're as useless as a ham sandwich at a Barmitzvah.

You're as useless as a cup of decaf.

You're as useless as condom machines in the Vatican.

You're as useless as a color blind interior decorator.

You're as useless as the second shift button on the keyboard.

You're as useless as deodorant to cab drivers.

You're as useless as handles on a snowball.

You're as useless as a knife without a blade.

You're as useless as a remote without batteries.

You're as useless as a chocolate teapot.

You're as useless as a keyboard without keys.

You're as useless as a phone without a signal.

You're as useless as a grave robber in a crematorium.

You're as useless as pickup lines to George Clooney

You're as useless as a fart in a space suit.

You're as useless as a piece of pork at a Jewish wedding.

You're as useless as a fitness tracker for a couch potato.

You're as useless as a pair of sunglasses for the blind.

You're as useless as a key that doesn't unlock anything.

You're as useless as a language that nobody speaks.

You're as useless as a compass with no magnetic field.

You're as useless as a sports car with a lawnmower engine.

You're as useless as a dictionary that only contains swear words.

You're as useless as a superpower that only works on Tuesdays.

You're as useless as a politician's promise.

You're as useless as a song with no melody.

You're as useless as a poem with no rhyme.

You're as useless as a book with no words.

You're as useless as a painter who's colorblind.

You're as useless as a singer who's tone deaf.

You're as useless as a police officer who can't enforce the law.

You're as useless as a spy who's always getting caught.

You're as useless as a magic trick with no magic.

You're as useless as a comedy show with no laughs.

You're as useless as a mute's podcast.

You're as useless as a sunblock for vampires.

You're as useless as a whale in a desert.

You're as useless as a underwear to Tarzan.

You're as useless as a fire extinguisher filled with gasoline.

You're as useless as a map that only shows your current location.

You're as useless as a chocolate fireguard.

You're as useless as white-out to a computer data entry clerk.

You're as useless as an ashtray on a bike.

You're as useless as a gun without ammo.

You're as useless as a Computer without Internet.

You're as useless as a phone with 1% remaining battery life.

You're as useless as a TV without Cable.

You're as useless as a pen without ink.

You're as useless as a red light at 3 AM.

You're as useless as an XBox without Llive.

You're as useless as Han Solo without Chewbacca and the Millennium Falcon.

You're as useless as 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 without 00110000