Hand Insults: The Ultimate Roast for Your Mitts

I'm not sure what's more pathetic, your hands or your excuses for not using them.

If I asked you to give me a handshake, would you need to use a crane to lift your hand?

If I gave you a pencil, I bet you'd struggle to draw a straight line.

If your hands were any more uncoordinated, they'd be a separate entity, like a parasite.

I'm not sure what's more ridiculous, your hands or your attempt to use them.

If I asked you to give me a handshake, would you need to practice for weeks beforehand?

Your hands are like two awkward teenagers at a school dance, they don't know what to do with each other.

If I asked you to give me a high-five, would you need to take a nap first to recharge?

Those aren't hands, they're just placeholders until the real ones show up.

If your hands were any more useless, you'd have to hire someone to hold your phone for you.

Those hands belong in a freak show, right next to the bearded lady.

Are those hands or did you just Velcro some flippers to your wrists?

Your hands are the human version of the 'blue screen of death', completely useless.

Your hands are so small, you need a toy piano to play 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'.

If I had hands like yours, I'd never leave the house, out of shame.

You have the hand strength of a sedated sloth.

I'm starting to think your hands are allergic to manual labor.

Do you have to take turns using each hand to eat a sandwich?

It looks like you stuck your hands in a socket and they just gave up.

Your hands are like two limp noodles, only less useful.

If your hands were any smaller, you'd need to use a microscope to find them.

Those aren't hands, they're failed science experiments.

Your hand is so weak, I bet you need both hands to lick a stamp.

You must be a master of the ancient art of finger puppetry, because that's all your hands are good for.

Do you use a toy hammer to tap out your pathetic existence?

I've seen more impressive hands on a chicken, at least they can hold onto a perch.