The Nose Knows: Insults to Make You Laugh and Cry

That nose of yours is so prominent, it's starting to develop its own personality, and frankly, it's kind of a jerk.

Your nose is so large, it needs its own agent.

The tip of your nose could be used as a pointer on a giant screen.

I've seen less impressive growths on a tumor.

That nose could be used as a natural air purifier.

You could use your nose as a makeshift megaphone.

I've seen smaller noses on a sumo wrestler.

Your nose hair could be used as a bird's nest.

I've seen less impressive growths on a coral reef.

That nose could be used as a natural wind tunnel.

Your nose is the reason why some people believe in aliens.

I'm starting to think that's not a nose, but a portal to another dimension.

Your nose is so massive, it's visible from space, and astronauts are using it as a landmark.

I'm starting to think your nose is actually a failed science experiment that got out of control.

It looks like a hawk built its nest on your face and forgot to leave.

Your nose could sniff out a needle in a haystack, or a polar bear in a snowbank, from 500 yards away.

I've seen smaller growths on a cancer patient.

You must be a human air traffic controller, because your nose is directing all the traffic in the room.

I've seen less prominent noses on a cartoon character, and that's saying something because cartoons are known for their exaggeration.

Your nose is so big, I'm starting to think it's a separate organ that's trying to escape from the rest of your face.

If your nose were any bigger, it would have its own Instagram account and more followers than you do.

It appears your nose has declared independence from the rest of your face and is now its own sovereign nation, complete with a flag and national anthem.

Your nose is so massive, it's now considered a separate continent by the UN.

I'm starting to think your nose is secretly a tapir that's trying to escape your face.

You must be a human version of a satellite dish, because your nose picks up signals from space.

I've seen smaller noses on a sperm whale, and theirs is used for echolocation.

It looks like a chunk of the Rocky Mountains decided to relocate to your face.

If your nose were any bigger, it would have its own weather system with storms and hurricanes.

Your nose could rival the Great Wall of China in terms of length and historical significance.

Someone should put a bell on your nose, because every time you walk into a room, it's a surprise party.

It appears that a small, angry cucumber has attached itself to your face and refuses to let go.

The only thing bigger than your nose is the gap in your self-awareness about how enormous it is.

I'm surprised you don't have a second pulse just for your nose.

It looks like a miniature version of Mount Everest grew on your face.

I'm starting to think your nose is trying to escape from your face.

It's like a giant, fleshy satellite dish, but less useful.

You must be a human version of a bloodhound, judging by that snout.

If noses were cars, yours would be a Mack truck.

That nose is so large, it needs its own weather forecast.

Your nose hair has its own ecosystem.

If you ever get lost, just follow the trail of snot from your nose.

It looks like a giant, pink seashell decided to take up residence on your face.

The tip of your nose is so thin, it could thread a needle.

Your nose is the new standard unit of measurement for 'large'.

I've seen more aesthetically pleasing growths on a cactus.

It's so big, you need a forklift to pick your head up in the morning.

The shape of your nose could redefine the laws of physics.

That thing on your face is an affront to the very concept of noses.

I've seen smaller noses on a proboscis monkey.

The nostrils on that thing are so big, you could fit a fist in them.

Your nose is the reason why some species of birds have started migrating earlier.

I've seen smaller noses on a cartoon character.

I'm starting to think that's not a nose, but a failed science experiment.

The size of your nose is directly proportional to the size of your ego.

It looks like you stuck a small, angry piglet on your face.

I'm not sure if that's a nose or a declaration of war against aesthetics.

The nostrils on your nose are so large, you could inhale a small child.

That nose could be used as a makeshift black hole to suck in all the nearby matter.

Your nose is the reason why some people think the sun revolves around the Earth.

I've seen less impressive noses on a French aristocrat from the 18th century.

Your nose hair could knit its own sweater.

That thing on your face is an affront to all that is good and holy.

The only thing more impressive than the size of your nose is the size of the lie you tell when you say it's 'average'.