The Nose Knows: Insults to Make You Laugh and Cry

Your nose is so big, it has its own gravitational pull.

I've seen smaller noses on a proboscis monkey.

It looks like a miniature version of Mount Everest grew on your face.

Your nose could guide ships safely into harbor.

That thing on your face is not a nose, it's a separate entity.

I'm starting to think your nose is trying to escape from your face.

It's like a giant, fleshy satellite dish, but less useful.

The only thing more impressive than your nose is the ego that comes with it.

You must be a human version of a bloodhound, judging by that snout.

It's a good thing you have a nose, or you'd have nowhere to put your ego.

That nose could smell a fart from a mile away, and probably create one just as potent.

If noses were cars, yours would be a Mack truck.

The sheer size of your nose is a wonder of modern science.

You could rent out the space under your nose as a studio apartment.

I'm not sure what's more impressive, the size of your nose or the size of your head to support it.

That nose is so large, it needs its own weather forecast.

Your nose hair has its own ecosystem.

If you ever get lost, just follow the trail of snot from your nose.

It looks like a giant, pink seashell decided to take up residence on your face.

I've seen less prominent noses on a Neanderthal fossil.

The tip of your nose is so thin, it could thread a needle.

That nose could rival the Great Wall of China in terms of grandeur and scale.

Your nose is the new standard unit of measurement for 'large'.

It's not a nose, it's a prophecy of the coming apocalypse.

If your nose were any bigger, it would have its own gravitational field.

Your nose is like a beacon of hope for all the other large noses out there.

I've seen more aesthetically pleasing growths on a cactus.

Your nose could be used as a makeshift landing strip for small aircraft.

It's so big, you need a forklift to pick your head up in the morning.

The shape of your nose could redefine the laws of physics.

That thing on your face is an affront to the very concept of noses.

It's like someone took all the leftover flesh from every other nose and stuck it on your face.

I'm surprised you don't have a second pulse just for your nose.

The nostrils on that thing are so big, you could fit a fist in them.

Your nose is the reason why some species of birds have started migrating earlier.

That nose could only be rivaled by the grandeur of the Pyramids.

I've seen smaller noses on a cartoon character.

The surface area of your nose is larger than some small countries.

You could plant a garden on the side of that thing and grow your own food.

I'm starting to think that's not a nose, but a failed science experiment.

Your nose is so big, it has its own shadow, which has its own shadow.

The size of your nose is directly proportional to the size of your ego.

It looks like you stuck a small, angry piglet on your face.

I'm not sure if that's a nose or a declaration of war against aesthetics.

You must be part elephant, judging by that trunk you call a nose.

The nostrils on your nose are so large, you could inhale a small child.

That nose could be used as a makeshift black hole to suck in all the nearby matter.

Your nose is the reason why some people think the sun revolves around the Earth.

I've seen less impressive noses on a French aristocrat from the 18th century.

If your nose were any bigger, it would need its own theme park.

Your nose hair could knit its own sweater.

That thing on your face is an affront to all that is good and holy.

I'm starting to think your nose is not of this world.

The only thing more impressive than the size of your nose is the size of the lie you tell when you say it's 'average'.

You could fit a small rabbit in one of your nostrils.

I've seen smaller growths on a cancer patient.

Your nose is the reason why NASA is considering a new mission to explore its surface.

That nose could be used as a natural disaster warning system.

It's not a nose, it's a work of modern art.

Your nose is so large, it needs its own agent.

I'm surprised you don't have to register that nose as a separate entity with the government.

You could hang glide off the side of that nose.

The tip of your nose could be used as a pointer on a giant screen.

I've seen less impressive growths on a tumor.

That nose could be used as a natural air purifier.

Your nose is the reason why some people believe in bigfoot.

I'm starting to think that's not a nose, but a separate organism attached to your face.

It looks like you've been using your nose as a makeshift shelf.

The size of your nose is directly proportional to the size of the crater it would make if it fell to Earth.

You could use your nose as a makeshift megaphone.

I've seen smaller noses on a sumo wrestler.

That nose could be used as a natural water slide.

Your nose hair could be used as a bird's nest.

I'm not sure if that's a nose or a failed attempt at creating a new species.

It looks like a giant, pink slug has taken up residence on your face.

You could use your nose as a makeshift anchor.

The nostrils on your nose are so large, you could fit a small car in them.

I've seen less impressive growths on a coral reef.

That nose could be used as a natural wind tunnel.

Your nose is the reason why some people believe in aliens.

I'm starting to think that's not a nose, but a portal to another dimension.

It looks like you've been using your nose as a makeshift storage unit.

Your nose is so massive, it's visible from space, and astronauts are using it as a landmark.

I'm starting to think your nose is actually a failed science experiment that got out of control.

It looks like a hawk built its nest on your face and forgot to leave.

Your nose could sniff out a needle in a haystack, or a polar bear in a snowbank, from 500 yards away.

That nose of yours is so prominent, it's starting to develop its own personality, and frankly, it's kind of a jerk.

You must be a human air traffic controller, because your nose is directing all the traffic in the room.

I've seen less prominent noses on a cartoon character, and that's saying something because cartoons are known for their exaggeration.

Your nose is so big, I'm starting to think it's a separate organ that's trying to escape from the rest of your face.

If your nose were any bigger, it would have its own Instagram account and more followers than you do.

It appears your nose has declared independence from the rest of your face and is now its own sovereign nation, complete with a flag and national anthem.

Your nose is so massive, it's now considered a separate continent by the UN.

I'm starting to think your nose is secretly a tapir that's trying to escape your face.

You must be a human version of a satellite dish, because your nose picks up signals from space.

I've seen smaller noses on a sperm whale, and theirs is used for echolocation.

It looks like a chunk of the Rocky Mountains decided to relocate to your face.

If your nose were any bigger, it would have its own weather system with storms and hurricanes.

Your nose could rival the Great Wall of China in terms of length and historical significance.

Someone should put a bell on your nose, because every time you walk into a room, it's a surprise party.

It appears that a small, angry cucumber has attached itself to your face and refuses to let go.

The only thing bigger than your nose is the gap in your self-awareness about how enormous it is.