The Nose Knows: Insults to Make You Laugh and Cry

Your nose is the reason why some people believe in bigfoot.

I'm starting to think that's not a nose, but a portal to another dimension.

Your nose is the reason why some people believe in aliens.

That nose could be used as a natural wind tunnel.

I've seen less impressive growths on a coral reef.

The nostrils on your nose are so large, you could fit a small car in them.

It looks like a giant, pink slug has taken up residence on your face.

Your nose hair could be used as a bird's nest.

I've seen smaller noses on a sumo wrestler.

You could use your nose as a makeshift megaphone.

The size of your nose is directly proportional to the size of the crater it would make if it fell to Earth.

Your nose is so massive, it's visible from space, and astronauts are using it as a landmark.

That nose could be used as a natural air purifier.

I've seen less impressive growths on a tumor.

The tip of your nose could be used as a pointer on a giant screen.

You could hang glide off the side of that nose.

Your nose is so large, it needs its own agent.

It's not a nose, it's a work of modern art.

That nose could be used as a natural disaster warning system.

Your nose is the reason why NASA is considering a new mission to explore its surface.

I've seen smaller growths on a cancer patient.

Your nose is so massive, it's now considered a separate continent by the UN.

The only thing bigger than your nose is the gap in your self-awareness about how enormous it is.

It appears that a small, angry cucumber has attached itself to your face and refuses to let go.

Someone should put a bell on your nose, because every time you walk into a room, it's a surprise party.

Your nose could rival the Great Wall of China in terms of length and historical significance.

If your nose were any bigger, it would have its own weather system with storms and hurricanes.

It looks like a chunk of the Rocky Mountains decided to relocate to your face.

I've seen smaller noses on a sperm whale, and theirs is used for echolocation.

You must be a human version of a satellite dish, because your nose picks up signals from space.

I'm starting to think your nose is secretly a tapir that's trying to escape your face.

You could fit a small rabbit in one of your nostrils.

It appears your nose has declared independence from the rest of your face and is now its own sovereign nation, complete with a flag and national anthem.

If your nose were any bigger, it would have its own Instagram account and more followers than you do.

Your nose is so big, I'm starting to think it's a separate organ that's trying to escape from the rest of your face.

I've seen less prominent noses on a cartoon character, and that's saying something because cartoons are known for their exaggeration.

You must be a human air traffic controller, because your nose is directing all the traffic in the room.

That nose of yours is so prominent, it's starting to develop its own personality, and frankly, it's kind of a jerk.

Your nose could sniff out a needle in a haystack, or a polar bear in a snowbank, from 500 yards away.

It looks like a hawk built its nest on your face and forgot to leave.

I'm starting to think your nose is actually a failed science experiment that got out of control.

That nose is so large, it needs its own weather forecast.

Your nose is like a beacon of hope for all the other large noses out there.

If your nose were any bigger, it would have its own gravitational field.

It's not a nose, it's a prophecy of the coming apocalypse.

Your nose is the new standard unit of measurement for 'large'.

That nose could rival the Great Wall of China in terms of grandeur and scale.

The tip of your nose is so thin, it could thread a needle.

I've seen less prominent noses on a Neanderthal fossil.

It looks like a giant, pink seashell decided to take up residence on your face.

If you ever get lost, just follow the trail of snot from your nose.

Your nose hair has its own ecosystem.

I've seen more aesthetically pleasing growths on a cactus.

I'm not sure what's more impressive, the size of your nose or the size of your head to support it.

The sheer size of your nose is a wonder of modern science.

If noses were cars, yours would be a Mack truck.

It's a good thing you have a nose, or you'd have nowhere to put your ego.

You must be a human version of a bloodhound, judging by that snout.

The only thing more impressive than your nose is the ego that comes with it.

It's like a giant, fleshy satellite dish, but less useful.

I'm starting to think your nose is trying to escape from your face.

It looks like a miniature version of Mount Everest grew on your face.

The size of your nose is directly proportional to the size of your ego.

The only thing more impressive than the size of your nose is the size of the lie you tell when you say it's 'average'.

That thing on your face is an affront to all that is good and holy.

Your nose hair could knit its own sweater.

I've seen less impressive noses on a French aristocrat from the 18th century.

Your nose is the reason why some people think the sun revolves around the Earth.

That nose could be used as a makeshift black hole to suck in all the nearby matter.

The nostrils on your nose are so large, you could inhale a small child.

I'm not sure if that's a nose or a declaration of war against aesthetics.

It looks like you stuck a small, angry piglet on your face.

I've seen smaller noses on a proboscis monkey.

I'm starting to think that's not a nose, but a failed science experiment.

I've seen smaller noses on a cartoon character.

Your nose is the reason why some species of birds have started migrating earlier.

The nostrils on that thing are so big, you could fit a fist in them.

I'm surprised you don't have a second pulse just for your nose.

That thing on your face is an affront to the very concept of noses.

The shape of your nose could redefine the laws of physics.

It's so big, you need a forklift to pick your head up in the morning.

Your nose could be used as a makeshift landing strip for small aircraft.