**Old Insults**: Because Age is Just a Number
Roast Your Older Friends and Family with Our Brutal Old Insults
Old insults for older people, because age is just a number, but it's still funny to make fun of
I'm not saying you're old, but I heard the early bird special is named after you.
You're so old, you've got a 'get off my lawn' sign, but it's in Braille.
You're so old, you remember when a tablet was something you took for a headache.
Your birth certificate is a historical document.
You've got more creaks and groans than an old wooden rocking chair that's been used too much.
You've got more wrinkles than a Shar-Pei's face after a long nap.
Your age is like a fine wine, it only gets more bitter with time.
I'm starting to think you're not old, you're just 'experienced', like a bad amusement park ride that's been shut down.
You're not getting older, you're just becoming more 'grumpy', like a bad old man who's lost his teeth.
I've seen more excitement at a library's silent reading room.
You're so old, you remember when 'swag' was just a bad word for 'awkward'.
You're so old, you've got a flip phone, and it's not ironic.
You're older than most of the trees in the forest, and they're all dead.
I've seen more excitement at a DMV.
You've got more aches and pains than a chiropractor's office.
You're older than the first tweet, and that's a real 'fowl' mouth.
You're so old, you remember when 'hashtag' was just a pound sign.
I've seen more excitement at a library's silent reading room on a Sunday afternoon.
I've seen more life in a sedated sloth.
You're older than most of the people who made the pyramids.
You're so old, you've been around longer than the concept of 'cool'.
I've seen more excitement at a timeshare presentation.
Your hearing is worse than a politician's promises.
You're older than the first iPhone, and that's ancient history.
You're so old, you've got a picture of Moses in your high school yearbook.
I've heard of senior moments, but yours are more like senior years.
You're older than the internet, and almost as slow.
Your back goes out more often than you do.
I've seen more energy at a retirement home bingo night.
You're not over the hill, you're just on the other side, where the view is worse.
You're older than Google, and that's saying something.